Racialicious is doing a series on interracial dating and people of color: http://www.racialicious.com/2011/08/18/none-of-this-is-easy-a-week-of-conversations-on-love-sex-and-interracial-dating/
It’s interesting, and to an extent validating, to read about experiences similar to mine about interracial dating. As a mixed person of color (black and Asian), I find that my experience in the dating scene is completely different from my friends.
So, when I go to them for advice on dating, I always have to filter it through a few different lenses. So, if they tell me that I should be more aggressive, I have to ask myself whether that will make me look like an angry, predatory, overly-sexual black woman. If they suggest that I let the guy make the next move, does that make me look like a weak, passive, coy Asian geisha stereotype? Often, my actions are not taken at face value because there are so many race-based judgments added to them.
So, sometimes I feel like I’m trying to make myself as bland and approachable as possible until the person gets to know me. Or, until I can assess how much the person is “down with the brown”. This means that they aren’t treating me as some exotic experiment of Foxy Brown fill in. This means that they have some working knowledge of how race and gender work in our society or are wiling to learn. This is probably why I’m still single.
The series has been fun, candid, and eye-opening as the conversations cover dating from many different cultural angles. I’m especially grateful for their effort to include our GLBT friends. Well, the G and the L and the B anyways. The Ts always get the shaft, but progress is being made slowly, but surely.
I hope that Racialicious continues to put together candid, productive conversations such as this one.